Happy Panic Productions

Ass-biting cold

You want to know how cold it is? That's how cold it is. It's so cold that I walked to the train, then from the train to work (about 10 minutes for each walk), and now I've been inside at work for a little over ten minutes, and only just now my toes are starting to feel cold.

posted by Jeremy  # 8:20 AM   

Squirrel Droppings

So last Saturday I was walking home from the corner store on a quick errand. Half a block away there was an 8 year old boy watching his dog run around. Suddenly whap!, something fell right in front of him and nearly hit him. The kid jumped back, and then I started cracking up when a squirrel scrambled from that spot on the sidewalk and rushed back up the 4-story tree the kid was standing under. Judging from the lowest bough above the kid's head, the squirrel fell at least three stories. Must have slipped from all the fresh snow we'd gotten. It seemed none the worse for wear, considering it hit cement.

As I passed the kid, who emerged out of his startled state as he realized what had happened, "I've never seen that happen before!" The kid responded breathlessly, "Yeah, me neither!" Then added, "At least I never seen a squirrel survive it!"

The dumb dog never saw the squirrel or had a clue that anything had happened.

A Kiss at the End of the Rainbow

...was nominated for an Oscar! Can I hope beyond hope that Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara will perform it live as part of the broadcast? Could this kick off a Mitch and Mickey tour? And of course, the big question on everyone's lips... will they do the kiss?

addendum

I forgot to say in my post about Modern Times: when the Tramp and the barefoot Gamin are fooling around in the department store all night, couldn't they have made one stop in the shoe department? Clearly Chaplin was a foot fetishist. (And that ain't all.)

Jean Shepherd

I never even knew he had a radio show. I was aware of his books and novels, and I have seen three film/TV adaptations (A Christmas Story, of course, and Great American Fourth of July and Other Disasters (I was so young I barely remember it) and Ollie Hopnoodle's Haven of Bliss (which incited me to try drinking pickle juice. It wasn't as good as I thought it would be)), and I'd heard he had a column at one point. But it seems he got his start on the radio, which I only discovered by chance while perusing the website of KCRW, the public radio station in Santa Monica which, according to my brief experience living in Los Angeles, is the best local culture that city (and environs) has to offer. (And it's far superior to Chicago's eqivalent public radio station WBEZ.)

It seems they ran a 2-hour special on Jean Shepherd's radio career on the advent of his death in 1999, and bless 'em, you can still listen to the whole thing via RealPlayer (if you don't have that piece of software and you go to their website to download it, make sure you aren't duped and dazzled by their offers for a "free trial" of their pay version. The perfectly free and perfectly adequate version is there for the downloading, but they've taken care to make the link inconspicuous. Hint: look up and to the right. Or bypass Real's bullshit and go straight to the installer file).

All asides aside, listen to the show, it's really good!

Russian Ark (2002) is threatening to overtake This Is Spinal Tap in the Best Old Movie of 2004 category. I need to think about it some more. Ark is very impressive technically - one long continuous Steadicam take drifting through the Heritage museum in St. Petersburg. I've read a few things that reference this as the first feature-length film with no edits, but that's not true: Mike Figgis's Time Code (2000) consisted of four simultaneous continuous shots. That felt like an edited movie, however, since it was impossible to concentrate on all four quadrants of the screen at all times; the viewer effectively edited the movie with the movement of their eye, even if it's more like live television editing (not so inappropriate since the thing was shot on video). So you could rightly say that Russian Ark is the first feature length movie to consist of a single continuous shot, reducing Time Code's number by a fourth.

What's more, it comes off less as a stunt because the single take is more thematically relevant in Sukorov's movie than in Figgis's. Russian Ark is principally about the museum as a place adrift on a sea of time, keeping its contents preserved in a manner that is inviolate (ideally) to the events of the outside world; the Age of Enlightenment, for example, lives on within its halls. The movie is much the same, in that it progresses in a time-scale not determined by man (through the editing process) but strictly at its own pace.

Hmmm. Don't know if I could write that deeply (however hastily and poorly) about Spinal Tap. But then again, I don't know if I would be so eager to watch Russian Ark again so soon. And with the commentary track on.

Gagged

Okay, I have to make a rule for myself that I won't blab every funny idea I have here on this blog. Instead, I should see those ideas come to fruition is some kind of fixed (i.e. copyrightable) form. For instance, I could tell you about the hilarious new movie idea I just had, but instead I should get to work on a draft of a script and post that. This is how it will be! Sorry, you're going to have to wait longer (and rely on actual work on my part) before you can find out how hilarious I am.

posted by Jeremy  # 1:27 PM   

Liberal Hawks Reconsider the Iraq War

Check out this extremely interesting week-long discussion and see how many of these guys (Jacob Weisberg, Paul Berman, Thomas Friedman, Christopher Hitchens, Fred Kaplan, George Packer, Kenneth M. Pollack, and Fareed Zakaria) have changed their minds and now think we shouldn't have invaded Iraq. Very stimulating discussion.

You can't have your Sonny Bono and eat it, too

This blog post, "Library of Congress Having it Both Ways!", asks the intelligent question (to paraphrase): If copyright terms should keep getting extended (as the Library of Congress has been supporting), why does LoC act like it's such a wonderful thing when works enter the public domain?

I think I need to redefine by Best Of categories slightly. I think there should be separate categories for Old Movie (that I'm seeing for the first time, or perhaps for the first time in a long time) and for Re-released Movie (meaning theatrically re-released). Because at least the Re-released movies form some kind of common pool from which everyone can select their Bests for the year. The nominees for Old Movie are very specific to the individual, his tastes, and his circumstances.

I was thinking of this the night before last when we went to see The Battle of Algiers (1965), and I noticed that the subtitles were copyright 2004.

And so, the Best Re-released Movie of 2004 is... Modern Times. Algiers was quite interesting and challenging, and had a lot of relevance to certain conflicts in our times, but in the end I didn't think it was critical enough of the practice of, say, bombing a club full of clueless dancing teenagers. To its credit, it did give a glimpse into the feeling that in a situation of colonialism, even civilian women and children are an occupying force; however, it didn't really address the question of whether killing those particular occupiers was an ethical response. And the film would seem to have us believe that, two years after the violence ended, Algerian independence (or more specifically, the popular demonstrations that somehow led to it) just magically sprang up out of the earth (or the mountains as it were). So I guess that makes it the Worst Re-released Movie of 2004.

And Best Old Movie of 2004 is once again This Is Spinal Tap.

Best Fake Spam Sender's Name: Spoonerism L. Pagination

Worst Old Movie of 2004: Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (1984). (Congratulations, Master and Commander, you're off the hook!)

My problems with the movie are pretty well summed up in this hilariously positive review: "Star Trek III takes nearly forty minutes... before things start moving. The last twenty minutes are equally slow, but the stuff in between is quite enjoyable." If 60 minutes of a movie is bad, but the middle 45 minutes is enjoyable, I guess that merits 3 stars out of 4, now doesn't it?

If you are compelled to watch this turkey, as my co-worker Donald (who lent us the DVD) put it, "so [your wife] can stop crying" after watching the end of Wrath of Khan, be sure to wake up for the blundering hand-to-hand combat sequence between Kirk and the least daunting Klingon ever, Christopher Lloyd. When a section of the cliff "falls" from beneath the Klingon's feet, you will feel like you are watching a low-budget "stunt show" at an amusement park. It's no wonder Leonard Nimoy left sci-fi in order to direct comedies.

Last night was a big show for Clyde Federal, and I think we met the challenge. I don't know if it was our most exciting show, but I felt like we played with a confdence and assuredness that exceeded out past work. Plus we unveiled a great new stompin' rocker that Mike showed us on Monday. And what a great bill to be on! Puerto Muerto played a set that was all covers of some band called Tokyo Explode; Tim broke a guitar string and Christa had to stall for time (why not sing an a capella number? you've certainly got the pipes), so following the thread established by the preceding song's lyrical content, she spun a little yarn about school teachers touching their own weiners in public. Of course, this is when my sister-in-law and friends Shannon and Darryl walked in.

Palliard played only their third gig, and their sound is just so lovely. They've got a drummer now and he fits in superbly. Once they develop a strong songbook (and they've got a few really good songs now), they'll be a force.

Best old movie of 2004: Modern Times (1936)

I saw the new 35mm print at the Music Box two nights ago. It was the first time I'd seen it, and the first time I'd seen Chaplin on the big screen. The print was just gorgeous. I've never seen a film that old look that good. And man oh man, what a piece of work. It loses steam a little bit in the second half, thanks in part to an overlong sequence in which the Tramp feeds another man his lunch, which really suffers by comparison with the seamless string of brilliant setpieces that precede it. Also, those lousy seats in the Music Box made my ass hurt less than 30 minutes into it, so that might've worn me down as well. But isn't that Paulette Goddard gorgeous? She reminded me of Molly Shannon (who isn't exactly gorgeous but has a similarly intriguing intensity). It's tough to dethrone This Is Spinal Tap, as both films are the culmination of a lot of disciplined preparation, but the crackerjack ensemble timing of Modern Times reveals an obsessive quest for perfection, and Chaplin speaks more to universal themes and the Human Condition, so his film gets the top spot (for now).

Best of 2004

My Best of 2003 list is probably inaccurate and incomplete because I put it together fairly quickly, the categories were arbitrarily determined by what I could think of off the cuff, and I'm sure I forgot a lot of stuff.

In the interest of greater quality in next year's version, I'm going to start on it right now, using this space to record the year's bests as it goes along. Now, instead of getting a bite-sized summation of my tastes in January, you can follow them throughout the year!

best old movie: This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

worst old movie: Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)

most anticipated movie sequel: Master and Commander: The Far Side of the Comics Pages

best old book: All the Myriad Ways by Larry Niven (1971).

best old short story: "Inconstant Moon" by Larry Niven (1971)

Best of 2003

I put together this list for a listserv I'm on; it was kind of silly of me not to post it here. So here it is.

Hands down, my favorite CD of 2003 was the soundtrack to "A Mighty
Wind". I've probably listened to it more often than any CD in recent
memory, and it's even gotten me started listening to folk revival

I believe the other CD I listened to most often in 2003 was King
Kong's "The Big Bang" (which came out in 2002), not because it's
terribly great but because it's excellent listening when I need to
concentrate on my work.

I really didn't listen to much new stuff in 2003, so here's what my chart probably looks like:

CDs:
1. A Mighty Wind soundtrack
2. The Love Below
3. Speakerboxxx

best song on a CD I didn't really like : "Chemistry" by Kimya Dawson

best band I heard for the first time in 2003: The Summer Hymns

other bests:

movie: School of Rock

movie trailer: Radio

book: "Flatland, A Romance of Many Dimensions" by Edwin Abbott Abbott
(1884), and to a lesser extenet its sequel "Sphereland: A Fantasy
About Curved Spaces and an Expanding Universe" by Dionys Burger
(1960). (I think the only book I read that was published in 2003
was "Lies" by Al Franken.)

website: www.homestarrunner.com

fictional music criticism: "Best Band in the Land"
(http://www.readexiled.com/bestband.htm)

PC game: Civilization: Conquests

most exciting announcement for PC game still in development: The
Movies (http://www.themoviesgame.com/home.html)

TV show: Monday Night Football (if you don't have cable, sports is
all TV is good for anymore)

comic book: Runaways

satire of the Left: "The Gore Room" by Harry Shearer
(http://play.rbn.com/?url=livecon/kcrw/g2demand/ls/ls030119le_Show.rm)


Gee, to read this list you'd think all that mattered in 2003 was
popular entertainment!

Reason not to invade North Korea #2

While browsing someone's "Best of the Internet 2003" I came across this video of a xylophone-playing 3-year-old which blew away everything on the list. Cute and Creepy have never collided so violently, with Creepy scoring such an easy victory. I'm really experiencing cognitive dissonance accepting that this is for real.... it has to be fake. It's like that dog Mr. Winkle, it just doesn't look like a living thing. (It gets worse.)

Off to a good start

Last night we went out to see Master and Commander. The Worst Movie of 2004! But only because we watched This Is Spinal Tap on DVD that morning. M&C is actually pretty good considering it wrings so little suspense out of a cat-and-mouse chase. I appreciated that its theme of life and death was never spelled out by either party in a series of arguments between the Captain and the Doctor. When they're not arguing or engaging in maritime war or surgery, they like to play the violin and cello, although Russell Crowe apparently didn't see the need to move his fingers very much in order to make all those notes. (At the end of the movie, by the sound of it, he even manages to continue strumming his instrument while simultaneously reaching for the bow that's lying on a table.)

I can tell you about the Worst Smell of 2004, and it was the pizza that someone sitting very near to us in the theater had eaten some time previous to the beginning of the film. I'm guessing it hadn't smelled that bad while it was being eaten. This was more than a little disturbing because we ourselves had had leftover pizza for dinner just before leaving for the movie, causing me to wonder if I might be the party responsible for the smell. But I was certain that I had felt no movements or vibrations one would expect the accompany the issue of such an odor; and my wife has never farted in her life.