Addendum to the Big Movie Update

How did I forget Troy (2004)? Oh yeah, it was entirely forgettable, that's how. I think some of my movie-watching skills have been in decline since I left film school, but lately I've been doing a good job of recognizing TV-movie tendencies in the direction of theatrical films. Midway felt like a long TV special, and Troy felt like a TV miniseries. And sure enough, I learned afterwards, both directors had extensive backgrounds in made-for-TV movies. In Wolfgang Peteren's case, I had never detected the influence in the past, even in the incredibly flat Outbreak (1995), which I thought would at least be funny for the scenes of Dustin Hoffman trying to shoot a monkey with a dart, but alas, no joy was to be had from that movie. Troy was slightly better, and most surprisingly, Eric Bana was the best thing about it. About the only good thing about it, unfortunately.

Big Movie Update

I went through an incrdible stretch, from late August until late September, in which I saw no movies*, either on film or video. I have seen 3 since that streak ended. But I haven't updated the list in quite a while, so here's pretty much the list for the summer.

Film:

• Team America: World Police (2004): In my own little satire on the War on Terror, The Complacents Back Into Attaqistan, I made a point not to mention Bush by name. I even edited out most references to the White House. But, and here's where I differ from Parker and Stone, I think still managed to implicate them in the satire. Whatever is wrong with the War on Terror and how it's being conducted, Parker and Stone seem to think it's the fault of soldier/jocks, or of some abstract notion of American Attitude. The only specific targets are Kim Jong Il (the satire here is so unspecific that you could substitute Cobra Commander and the script would require no more revision than a search-and-replace) and politically active celebrities. In the latter case, I wasn't clear on whether it was the message or method that was meant to be satirized. I thought maybe we were supposed to laugh at their self-promotion-through-activism, but then it devolved into mocking a fabricated hypocrisy: the celebrities will use violent means to enforce their pacifism. It felt like Parker & Stone had nothing more to say than: actors are annoying when they try to speak seriously about politics. Apparently, it's preferable to make an empty, silly pseudo-political movie instead. Oh wait, Michael Moore did just that, and he's most reviled of all!
  That said, the movie is extremely funny much of the time, probably the hardest I've laughed at a movie since Anchorman. I enjoyed it a lot more while watching it than I did thinking about it afterward.


• Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004): There are directors who are good at creating new cinematic worlds, and then there are directors who have technical command of camera angles, cutting, pacing.... Without that second set of skills, the first set doesn't do you a whole lot of good. I really wanted to enjoy this movie the whole time I was watching it, but the darn thing was so clunky, I just couldn't escape into this wonderful world that was teasing my senses. I look forward to Kerry Conran's next one, hopefully after he's worked on his chops.


• Shaun of the Dead (2004): A very entertaining movie, much better than it seems to have any right to be. The only fault I could find was that the screenplay was too darn smart for its own good: it's considered good writing practice to never waste any detail, but when every single detail slavishly reappears one act later for an ironic twist, your brain can't help but notice the pattern and starts spending energy anticipating the next one (I kept asking myself, "When will the plot require them to get a dog to look up?").


• Alien vs. Predator (2004): We missed the train home from work. The theatre is right there by the station. Honest. It's wasn't our fault! There was one pretty cool fight scene, but it happens a little less than halfway in. Also, a Predator suffers the indignity of going on a rocket sleigh ride. All in all, not quite as bad as Alien: Resurrection, but worse than all the rest.


• Citizen Kane (1945): I think this is the 4th time I've seen it, 2nd time on 35mm. I always remember how gorgeous the photography is, but it's easy to forget how good the story is, too. Best of all time? Well, greatest landmark of all time, perhaps. Critics should distinguish between most important and best, because best it ain't. It's merely very good. (Who the hell cries watching this movie? Who even feels like they should?)


• The Corporation (2003): Manufacturing Consent is my favorite documentary because it slowly and assuredly builds a complex argument through an excellently conceived structure. It also looks and feels nothing like a talking-head piece, even though it's just a lot of people talking. The Corporation tries hard to give the impression of a structure with conspicuous use of (numbered!) title cards, but really it just lays out a few points and then repeats them over and over in a kind of whirlwind. And, it's an exhausting 3-hour talking head piece. And maybe 2 heads have opposing viewpoints. There's some interesting stuff in here, but the film didn't allow me to digest any of it, and after a while, I was too numbed and exhausted to try. Someone just give me the footnotes.


• Steamboat Bill, Jr. (1928): I've seen only a handful of Buster Keaton films, but reportedly I've seen all of the best ones, and this was easily my favorite of the lot. The scene with the hats especially tickled me. (We saw this at a silent film fest with a crowd of enthusiasts (putting it mildly). This movie contains the famous shot of Buster standing in front of a house when the fron wall falls down toward him, and he passes right through the open window. These geeks started applauding as soon as the goddamn house appears on screen. Yes, congratulations, now we all know you're a buff. Your hero still ain't as funny as Chaplin or Lloyd.)


• Control Room (2004): I don't remember a lot about this one, except that it got really good toward the end when a U.S. military P.R. guy starts having a serious dialogue with a cynical Al Jazeera reporter. You just don't see enough of that kind of thing these days, be it documentary or fiction.


• Spider-Man 2 (2004): Lord, these comic book movies just keep getting better and better! It would have been too much to hope for already, to have wished this movie to have been this good. The third X-Men and Spider-Man movies will have to be extra sucky just to make up for how spoiled we are right now. (Or have Daredevil and Catwoman and Hulk already taken care of that?)


• Farenheit 9/11 (2004): Moore has some good arguments to make in this movie, and he makes them well. Which makes it all the more frustrating that he would also include such fallacious arguments with silly, dishonest filmmaking. Which did you think everyone would focus on, Michael? Sheesh. Try to be a smaller target next time, willya? Play your strongest hand, dope, and cut out the rest. And now the cover of his new book, Will They Ever Trust Us Again?. The smart-ass smirk is a lot more becoming (and genuine) than the hurt little puppy dog eyes.


• Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004): Very funny throughout. Only the last reel let up a little, but not so much that it hurt the film. Was the hardest I'd laughed since Wet Hot American Summer, I think.


• DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story (2004): Unfunny whenever Ben Stiller wasn't onscreen, barely funny when he was. I did like Gary Cole and Jason Bateman as the announcers, though. (One weird thing I noticed: the announcers make lots of quips based on the names and memberships of all the dodgeball teams our heroes play against, except for the Las Vegas police. Surely, the concept of police in Las Vegas was not considered funny enough? Those jokes were conspicuous in their absence. Why the (presumed) script change?)

Video:

• Memphis Belle (1990): Screenwriter Monte Merrick has a funny take on religion: one character is introduced as "the most religious kid I've ever seen." He always wears a St. Anthony charm around his neck; he needs it for good luck, you see. When he loses it out the window of the B-17, he goes apeshit and thinks the plane will surely crash, but -- ta da! -- he's reassured when Eric Stoltz gives a Luck Rubber Band, which all Catholics will recognize for being the equivalent to the image of a Patron Saint. Also puzzling: in this story of a real flight crew on a well-known historical mission, why were all the names changed?


• Pearl Harbor: December 7, 1941 (1942): U.S. propaganda, not particularly noteworthy.


• King of Comedy (1983): This movie really made my skin crawl, but in to such a degree that I don't think it's pretty overrated.


• Solaris (1972): This movie now ranks along with Fantasia and (surprisingly) Psycho as the movies I have fallen asleep during more than once. This one deserved it far more than the other two. An interesting film, but watching it is no more interesting than having someone spend three minutes describing it to you.


• Midway (1976): Made-for-theaters made-for-TV movie.


• Coal Miner's Daughter (1980): really good!


• Melvin Goes to Dinner (2003): Recommended!


• Bullitt (1968): extemely overrated! Best car chase scene ever?!?!? The editing in that sequence really, really sucks! When you watch a shot, and then 30 seconds later in the chase they show you the same shot but from a different angle, and it's extremely obvious, and they try to pass it off as a new even tin the scene: that's just amatuerish filmmaking, folks. That's Lancelot Link calibre work.


• Human Nature (2002): The worst thing I can say about this movie is that it inspires me to write absolutely nothing about it.


• The Legend of Suriyothai (2001): the best-looking boring movie of the year!


• Pumping Iron (1977): It takes a special kind of asshole that keeps you coming back for more. Arnold is just that kind of asshole.


• This is Spinal Tap Commentary Track (2000): Almost as funny as the dialogue track.

*I did see part of The Theory of Flight (1998) in a hotel room in Buenos Aires, but I was so embarrassed by it that I just couldn't watch it any more. So I'm not sure it would qualify for Worst Movie of The Year. But boy, did it suck. (Is it a sign of how bad a movie is that you are shocked to learn it was made 15 years later than you would have sworn while watching it? What were Kenneth Branagh and Helena Bonham Carter thinking?)

“I’m gonna do it, I’m really gonna do it this time.” Bob was on the edge of the L platform, looking eagerly up the tracks and awaiting the appearance of those lights that would let him know the time was near.

“Um, do what?” said Gary. Gary had known Bob for three years, but the range of their acquaintance was restricted entirely to the CTA system, spatially speaking. They had chatted when ever they met ever since they each spotted the other reading the same issue of Wrapped In Plastic. The trail of their conversations had never approached anything remotely serious. Now Gary couldn’t help but notice that Bob was rocking back and forth on his heels with vigorous zeal. But his overall demeanor was not that of excitement so much as grim determination. His toes were well over the edge of the platform; one shoelace dangled down toward the near rail. “What are you considering, Bob?”

“Oh, hey, don’t think I’m gonna jump in front of the train or nothing,” Bob smiled. “I’m just gonna hit it with this.”

Gary was relieved, but his expression was still furrowed as he scrutinized the object Bob held up: a long paddle with a handle. “Is that a wicket?”

“Hmm? What’s a wicket?”

“That thing you use in Cricket.”

“Cricket, yes!” said Bob. “This is a Cricket bat. But whether it’s a wicket, I don’t know. I thought a wicket was in croquet, anyway.”

“So you don’t play Cricket?” Gary thought it was the natural thing to ask, so he did.

“Aw, well, no. Don’t know the first thing about it, really. Hey, here it comes.” The lights had come around the bend moments before, and the approach of the train began to become audible. Bob spun back around and squared his shoulders up, cocking the bat for a swing.

Gary blinked. “Why do want to hit this train, then?”

Bob’s eyes were locked on the train. “It’s not so much that I want to do it, Gary.”

“Oh,” said Gary. “Well, why do you need to do it, then?”

Bob considered the question. “I suppose it’s not so much that I need to do it, either. Look, would you mind not asking anymore questions and just letting me concentrate here a little bit?”

Gary was perplexed, and hesitated, but the train was getting very near now and he had to say, “Bob I just have to say I think you’re too close to the edge!” The brakes of the train squealed , its roar began to bounce off the platform overhang as it rolled into the station, still many seconds away from braking, the front came up to them and Gary tried to pull Bob’s shoulder to pull him back but before he knew it Bob was under the train and Bob was dead.

Gary was on his back, propped up on his elbows, trying to make sense of what was happening. People were rushing into and out of the train in a frenzy. Probably some of them were screaming or shouting, but Gary couldn’t properly hear. His mind just wasn’t taking in the sounds. He was aware of everything, but gradually his attention narrowed until he was aware of only one thing: the Cricket bat, lying beside him, three feet from the edge of the platform.

And then he became aware of himself. Lying three feet away from the platform. Why was he here? How had he fallen? … Had Bob pushed him back?